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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/8/2017 7:39:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption
"This TSA guy sure has a sense of humor, hold on while I text you a picture of this practical joke...."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/9/2017 11:47:34 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"First, I had to get a pilot license to fly reindeer -- it's getting ridiculous. I'm just giving everyone coal this year. #MAGA"

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/9/2017 12:02:07 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"Ho Ho Ho The jokes on them. All of my toys are either wooden or plastic these days...."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/9/2017 12:03:06 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"I'm glad I lost a few pounds over the summmer. I'm just barely going to fit through this metal detector.."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/9/2017 1:46:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"I'm reporting this to his HOA. This has got to be against the rules."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/9/2017 1:48:54 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"If I can get down a chimney, this should be a piece of cake."

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dcawrey
dcawrey
12/9/2017 2:46:44 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"Oh no, does this mean I need to take all electronic devices out?"

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
12/10/2017 6:17:43 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"...What an interesting way to greet...I should probably use my delivery drone..." :) 

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/21/2017 3:48:22 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"I'm not going to take off my shoes and belt for this..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/28/2017 5:07:49 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption
"... I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skillsSkills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.. disable the metal detector. NOW."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/8/2017 10:14:23 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"These smart homes are getting out of hand. They've put an alarm on the chimney!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/8/2017 10:15:49 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"When Rudolph said he was going to take revenge for everyone making fun of his red nose, he wasn't kidding!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/8/2017 10:17:26 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Mrs. Claus? Yeah, it's me, up on the roof. You're the automated home expert, so there's two white lights and one red blinking light."

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afwriter
afwriter
12/8/2017 10:35:46 PM
User Rank
Platinum
AF1
I'm not taking my boots off in this weather!

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Ariella
Ariella
12/11/2017 5:26:02 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: AF1
"What do you mean, 'it's the latest in home security?' Who else would try to come down the chimney? "

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Ariella
Ariella
12/11/2017 5:27:01 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: AF1
"Whoever came up with this is getting nothing but coal for Christmas!"

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Ariella
Ariella
12/11/2017 5:27:47 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: AF1
"You are officially off the 'nice' list."

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Ariella
Ariella
12/12/2017 8:05:26 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: AF1
"Um youu'd better warn people that there's going to be a delay on delivery. There's no way I'm going to make all the houses tonight if I have to go through a security gate at each one before going in."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/9/2017 1:43:10 PM
User Rank
Platinum
I heart tech
I guess you can never be too careful...the golf clubs are going back to the North Pole!

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:35:30 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"It's a good thing coal is non-metallic."

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:37:17 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Someone forgot to plug in their metal detector!"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:39:02 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Am I being punk'd?"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:45:25 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"So Fred, what do you think of our new Christmas decorations?"

"   ... "

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:49:28 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"I did some pole vaulting in highschool..."

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/9/2017 7:52:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"And I just had a hip replacement"

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batye
batye
12/10/2017 2:55:51 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
New Paradigm Holiday shift...

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
12/10/2017 6:16:36 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption Contest
"Sign of the times, I guess..that I am not even trusted!!!"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/10/2017 9:25:20 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Where's my phone!?"

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vnewman
vnewman
12/11/2017 7:54:25 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Santa
Ugh!  Darn those iThings!!!

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vnewman
vnewman
12/11/2017 8:00:51 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Santa 2
These TSA rules are getting ridiculous!

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afwriter
afwriter
12/11/2017 9:36:22 AM
User Rank
Platinum
AF2
"I don't know, they said I could check it. What should I do?!"

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afwriter
afwriter
12/11/2017 11:03:24 PM
User Rank
Platinum
AF3
Ho Ho Hold on I'm going to have to call you back.

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batye
batye
12/12/2017 9:29:11 AM
User Rank
Platinum
new jump
Oh,  HO HO HO I have to jump, putting you on hold ...... 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/13/2017 3:04:42 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 1
Perplexed, Santa wondered how Ralphie would ever get his Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle now that the family had added an extra layer of security to their home. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/13/2017 3:05:15 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 2
Ralphie's mom may have taken her concern for his eyes a little too far.

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/13/2017 3:07:48 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 3
Mistle Toe! I forgot to put my liquids in a clear plastic bag!

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/13/2017 3:10:35 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 4
Hermey put the teleportation device on the wrong side of the chimney. I'll never be able to get into this house with the device over here!

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DHagar
DHagar
12/13/2017 7:44:40 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Cartoon Contest
"OK, who set off the cyber alerts?  How am I supposed to deliver these gifts?"

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DHagar
DHagar
12/13/2017 7:46:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Cartoon Contest
"Did Rudolph leave the GIS tracking devices in the sleigh?"

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DHagar
DHagar
12/13/2017 7:47:15 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Cartoon Contest
"This is going to disrupt the SC Virtual Network!  Who's the wise guy?"

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DHagar
DHagar
12/13/2017 7:48:45 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Cartoon Contest
"Is this house on Prime?"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/14/2017 11:45:13 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. I'm telling you why.
Santa's been replaced by AI!"

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JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
12/14/2017 2:48:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
@
"Support? Me. Hey, three quick questions. One, any alternate delivery paths allowed for this one? I mean, we have them for bicycles all the time. Two, if not, okay to substitute boxed and disassembled? And three, do you suppose that maybe that weird Johnson kid wanted a magnetic disk on a stick to find coins and and things on the beach when he asked for a metal detector?"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/15/2017 4:38:01 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Oh what fun it is to find a doo-hickey up here I have no idea what it is."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/15/2017 4:38:45 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Oy, I think I just better pack in the sleigh and call it a day."

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/15/2017 8:24:15 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption Contest
Ever since the Director of Operations had phased out reindeer, Santa had devloped anxiety. Going through a teleporter was scary enough, but with a bag of toys, he'd had dreams, and instead of coming out with two hands, he came out with a hand and a toy car.

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/15/2017 4:43:37 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"This Weight Watchers thing has gone too far."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/15/2017 4:45:46 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Yes, please inform North Pole headquarters I'll be running late with the deliveries."

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faryl
faryl
12/16/2017 6:08:06 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Not gonna be pretty
Are you sure you want me to take off my belt for this?

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faryl
faryl
12/16/2017 6:09:23 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Worst Present
Getting Weight Watcher cookbooks when I wasn’t even on a diet :-/

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/18/2017 8:47:22 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 5
Change the order, this house is getting nothing but coal. Their security system is ridiculous. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/18/2017 8:48:25 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Liz 5
Is that a laser?! I'm done. Call up my brother. He can start doing this gig. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/18/2017 8:49:54 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 6
Things in the North Pole had changed since Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer had been walked out and replaced with Randolph the Red Light Transporter.

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/18/2017 8:50:14 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 7
Beam me up Scotty!

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/18/2017 8:50:35 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 8
Dang it man! I'm Santa Claus, not Scotty!

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/18/2017 8:33:32 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Are you sure this guy's on the nice list?"

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afwriter
afwriter
12/19/2017 10:48:13 AM
User Rank
Platinum
AF4
"I'll tell ya, Martha, this new AT&T security system leaves nothing to chance!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/19/2017 11:19:53 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"If this is a metal detector, I'm finished."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/19/2017 2:04:31 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Rewind
I'm not sure I'm in the right place. The sign out front says Y-A-H-O-O-! and they have security...

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:37:26 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 9
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring - except Homeland Security. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:38:11 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 10
Probably not what little Timmy meant when he asked for a metal detector. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:38:36 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 11
Santa hated the Jolly Detector 2000

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:39:40 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 12
What do you mean I have to remove my shoes?! Don't you know who I am? I'm Santa Claus, Saint Nick, Kris Kringle!

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:40:44 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 13
TSA is giving me crap! You booked my flight as Saint Nick, and we've said a thousand times, my Sleigh License has me as Kris Kringle!

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 6:41:56 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 12
Coming to Kirstjen Nielson's house became more and more ridiculous every year.

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/26/2017 7:06:49 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 13
Santa felt he was being patronized as he listened to the TSA's new voice message. "But I heard him exclaim, as he whined and he cried. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good flight."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/26/2017 8:33:35 PM
User Rank
Platinum
VIP gateway
"Customer service? My access code is J-O-L-L-Y."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/26/2017 8:34:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Waiting
I decided to take the old route and ended up here...

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/27/2017 10:28:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
It's not bad enough that I can slip and fall up here? I have to deal with this now?

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/27/2017 10:29:35 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"What do they think I'm carrying in this sack anyway? It ain't Rudolph!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/27/2017 10:31:10 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"This is what happens when it's not really a beautiful life."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
12/28/2017 5:02:40 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Worst Gift (for me)
I'll just publicly complain here about once receiving a pair of sunglasses as a gift. Not a bad gift, but for anyone who is nearsighted enough to always wear prescription glasses.. it's not very useful (unless I was willing to replace the non-prescription lenses). 

 

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:22:40 PM
User Rank
Author
1
“I’ll be home late. I have a four-hour sleighover.”

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:27:09 PM
User Rank
Author
2
"Every year it gets less worth the cookies."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:32:25 PM
User Rank
Author
3
"Are you going to make me check it twice?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:39:00 PM
User Rank
Author
4
"Forget it! TSA execs go on the naughty list."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:49:00 PM
User Rank
Author
5
"When you said 'chimney sweep'..."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:50:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Entry challenge
I guess they don't like surprises...

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:50:29 PM
User Rank
Author
6
"This is the last time I fly during the holidays."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:50:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
List
I really should have seen this coming...I watched them ALL YEAR.

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:51:43 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Security bottleneck
There's no way I'm getting through this in time...even with magic.

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:52:36 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Retool
It's probably time to renegotiate the terms of my contract...

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:53:16 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Anxiety
I thought the elves were joking when they said security would be tougher this year!

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:53:57 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Suffocate
This really sucks the joy right out of the air

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/28/2017 5:54:13 PM
User Rank
Author
7
"I set it off. So much for a Silent Night."

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:54:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
eh
It's not enough that I travel all night in freezing temperatures...now I need to pass through security too!?

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 5:59:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
closed
I don't know why I thought customer service would answer...

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 6:01:04 PM
User Rank
Platinum
replacement
This is how Amazon becomes the new Santa.

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 6:02:29 PM
User Rank
Platinum
resign
It's only going to get worse

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 6:06:05 PM
User Rank
Platinum
disagree
When I agreed to extra security, I thought we were talking about sleigh and reindeer team security.

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 6:06:46 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Don't ask for tools
What do they think I'm bringing this year??

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 6:08:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
GPS-less
Customer service: Sir, please confirm your current location. I can't see you on our service map.

Big Guy: I knew I should have upgraded to a smartphone before the holidays...

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Ariella
Ariella
12/28/2017 7:04:48 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: GPS-less
@Michelle you'd think Santa woud treat himself to something like that. I'm sure a new phone was on many people's wishlist this year.

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Michelle
Michelle
12/28/2017 7:11:42 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: GPS-less
Heh, yeah! I could use a new phone myself. Mine is slowly dying of old age.

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Ariella
Ariella
12/28/2017 7:14:23 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: GPS-less
@Michelle They're designed to die, especially when they're made by Apple. You saw they finally admitted that they slow older phones down? They now are offering a $29 battery replacement. See https://www.theverge.com/2017/12/28/16827248/apple-iphone-battery-replacement-price-slow-down-apology

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Michelle
Michelle
12/29/2017 8:04:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: GPS-less
I saw that! I don't have an iPhone and am not experiencing its slowdown. I guess you can be glad or mad at the whole thing depending on the way you look at it.

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Ariella
Ariella
12/30/2017 7:36:18 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: GPS-less
@Michelle One of my kids went on a whole rant when her iPhone (from a few iteration ago) acted up and she was afraid she was going to lose its function altogether. She did manage to get it back, though. And what's ironic is that even knowing that Apple builds in this kind of obsolesence, she was looking only at other iPhones when she thought she'd have to replace hers.

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/28/2017 6:27:31 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"So all I have to do is kick it down?"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/28/2017 6:30:18 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest

"Let's go ahead and move them to the naughty list"

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/29/2017 7:44:19 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 14
Does anyone know why the "Walking Dead" guy is at the door holding up a sign that says, "To Me You Are Perfect?" 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/29/2017 7:51:00 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 15
Kevin really upped his game of protecting his house this year. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
12/29/2017 8:06:42 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 16
Waker! We have a waker! Abort!

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 4:58:48 PM
User Rank
Author
8
"I shouldn't have gotten him that Erector Set last year."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:01:27 PM
User Rank
Author
9
"Marcie, check the database. I think the Smiths converted."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:06:37 PM
User Rank
Author
10
"Meanwhile, the Amazon guy gets to just walk right in!"

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Michelle
Michelle
12/29/2017 8:16:17 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: 10
So unfair!! You've gotta be modern to get in the door.

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/29/2017 8:44:24 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: 10
The worst gift: Nothing. 

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:09:49 PM
User Rank
Author
11
"I have to pee."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:15:16 PM
User Rank
Author
12
"They confiscated my snowglobes."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:24:07 PM
User Rank
Author
13
"I have the wrong bag. My sack of toys is on a sleigh in Milwaukee."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/29/2017 5:28:38 PM
User Rank
Author
14
"Can you check my EZ Pass? This is a toll chimney."

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/29/2017 7:04:52 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Hello, AAA? Hi, my sleigh is stuck in the snow again"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/29/2017 7:13:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"...yeah, it says 'imposters will be prosecuted' at the top..."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/29/2017 8:46:28 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"This is not a smart home. This is a conspiracy against me and my reindeer!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/29/2017 8:47:45 PM
User Rank
Platinum
TT Caption Contest
"I think this may really be a digital chimney sweep!"

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Michelle
Michelle
12/29/2017 9:00:15 PM
User Rank
Platinum
VIP Support
I'm unsure about this one - is it a metal detector or some kind of zapper??

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Michelle
Michelle
12/29/2017 9:02:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Help!
It's asking for a biometric login. I don't recall creating one for this house. 

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Michelle
Michelle
12/30/2017 12:03:45 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Watch your step
This is not the renovation I expected...

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Michelle
Michelle
12/30/2017 4:19:35 PM
User Rank
Platinum
No clearance
Are they expecting ninjas?

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/30/2017 5:23:53 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"I'll have three medium two toppings and a large pepperoni"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/30/2017 5:29:21 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"I just remembered the answer to that radio contest question"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/30/2017 5:33:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Yes dear, I'll remember to get milk on the way back"

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Shaunn
Shaunn
12/30/2017 5:38:49 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Yes Mom, I'm wearing the thermal underwear you got me"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:06:48 PM
User Rank
Author
15
"I told them I was coming to town."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:11:30 PM
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Author
16
"I think they're still sore about last year's coal."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:13:41 PM
User Rank
Author
17
"All these regulations do is hurt small business."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:14:26 PM
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Author
18
"They've been gift-throttling since the FCC vote."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:15:30 PM
User Rank
Author
19
"You leave one toy not recommended for children under six..."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:16:52 PM
User Rank
Author
20
"Every year, I tell myself I'm going to sign up for PreCheck, and every year, I never do it."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/30/2017 10:18:41 PM
User Rank
Author
21
"No, it's Christopher Kringle that's on the no-fly list. I'm Kris Kringle, with a K."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
12/31/2017 6:04:22 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"What's that you say? Leave the bag and take the cannoli?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/31/2017 6:50:03 PM
User Rank
Author
22
"Ok, I unplugged it and plugged it back in. Now what?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
12/31/2017 6:52:18 PM
User Rank
Author
23
"Sometimes I think Klossner puts this stuff up to screw with me."

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
1/1/2018 8:48:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: 23
Happy New Year @JOE:   All I can say is this--I am in awe as to how profilic you've been throughout the year (and frankly how creative..and yes transformational).     Yet, in an ever changing World, some things have to stay constant--and embracing the idea of Santa Clause, though, as a symbol of hope and optimism is ever so critical--isn't it?

Onward to 2018!!



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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 12:00:48 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: 23
Thank you, @mpouraryan. How very kind of you to say.

Happy New Year! - Joe

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:05:56 PM
User Rank
Author
24
"At this rate, I'm going to miss my connecting sleigh."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:06:37 PM
User Rank
Author
25
"Yeah, it's me. I'm stuck at the O'Hare's again."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:08:55 PM
User Rank
Author
26
"The gold and frankincense got through okay, but they confiscated my myrrh."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:10:30 PM
User Rank
Author
27
"I got off easy. The last guy went through with nails and they utterly crucified him."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
1/3/2018 10:14:37 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"I supposed I can just walk around to the other side of the chimney."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:16:16 PM
User Rank
Author
28
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Now let me through!"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:17:54 PM
User Rank
Author
29
"The irony is I can see a break-in going on across the street."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 12:18:04 PM
User Rank
Author
Worst Christmas gift I ever got
I was a kid -- a pre-teen, actually. Young enough that it was still okay to play with kids' toys, old enough to have hormones and funny thoughts about girls.

It was the first year that I personally bought gifts for everyone in my family (i.e., not just my immediate family). I spent at least a couple hundred dollars of my own money that I had saved up -- quite a lot of money for a kid. And I put a lot of thought into those presents. Because it's the thought that counts.

And the thought *had* to count. A couple hundred dollars doesn't stretch very far when you're buying for about ten different people or so and you're really trying to do your best.

Fortunately, all the gifts I got for everyone in my extended family were very well received, and I was delighted to have hit the mark so well for my loved ones. And, of course, I got some nice gifts in turn.

Then I opened a gift from a particular grandmother.

Now I didn't expect grandparents to give me homerun-hitting Christmas presents. The best I could usually hope for was a sweater that wasn't too ridiculous. An actual toy -- let alone one I'd enjoy -- was almost unheard of. And that was fine. Because it's the thought that counts.

This particular gift hit a new low. (Remember now that I'm a preteen at this point; not a small child.)

It was a "baby book" with a Sesame Street or Disney character on it called something like, "Uh-Oh! Someone's Messy!"

A snarky gift because I was a kid with a sometimes messy room.

And there wasn't another gift around the corner from her to make up for the gag gift. Because it wasn't a gag gift. It was the sole, actual gift -- a gift that essentially said to a self-conscious middle-schooler: "You're a slob, like a little baby. Maybe this book for two-year-olds will help you grow up and be a big boy."

I couldn't even finish getting all of the wrapping paper off of it. It was a like a slap in the face. It felt like it actually seemed to *turn* me into a baby. As soon as I saw it and comprehended what it was (beneath my grandmother's smirk), my eyes welled up in hot tears; I ran to my room. Inconsolable.

For a time, anyway. Eventually, I came out, forgave my grandmother (who wasn't quite right in the head, to be fair), and all was well.

This was many, many years ago. I'm a grown man with resilience and a sense of humor now.

But at the time, it was embarrassing, and I felt hurt.

Because it's the thought that counts.

Not a very funny story, but it's true.

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 1:05:14 PM
User Rank
Author
30
"It's just as well. I don't think I could fit through that chimney, anyway."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 2:30:03 PM
User Rank
Author
31
"I'm more concerned about what they're trying to keep in."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 7:00:58 PM
User Rank
Author
32
"NORAD could use some more updated tracking technology."

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