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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 7:00:58 PM
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Author
32
"NORAD could use some more updated tracking technology."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 2:30:03 PM
User Rank
Author
31
"I'm more concerned about what they're trying to keep in."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 1:05:14 PM
User Rank
Author
30
"It's just as well. I don't think I could fit through that chimney, anyway."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/4/2018 12:18:04 PM
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Author
Worst Christmas gift I ever got
I was a kid -- a pre-teen, actually. Young enough that it was still okay to play with kids' toys, old enough to have hormones and funny thoughts about girls.

It was the first year that I personally bought gifts for everyone in my family (i.e., not just my immediate family). I spent at least a couple hundred dollars of my own money that I had saved up -- quite a lot of money for a kid. And I put a lot of thought into those presents. Because it's the thought that counts.

And the thought *had* to count. A couple hundred dollars doesn't stretch very far when you're buying for about ten different people or so and you're really trying to do your best.

Fortunately, all the gifts I got for everyone in my extended family were very well received, and I was delighted to have hit the mark so well for my loved ones. And, of course, I got some nice gifts in turn.

Then I opened a gift from a particular grandmother.

Now I didn't expect grandparents to give me homerun-hitting Christmas presents. The best I could usually hope for was a sweater that wasn't too ridiculous. An actual toy -- let alone one I'd enjoy -- was almost unheard of. And that was fine. Because it's the thought that counts.

This particular gift hit a new low. (Remember now that I'm a preteen at this point; not a small child.)

It was a "baby book" with a Sesame Street or Disney character on it called something like, "Uh-Oh! Someone's Messy!"

A snarky gift because I was a kid with a sometimes messy room.

And there wasn't another gift around the corner from her to make up for the gag gift. Because it wasn't a gag gift. It was the sole, actual gift -- a gift that essentially said to a self-conscious middle-schooler: "You're a slob, like a little baby. Maybe this book for two-year-olds will help you grow up and be a big boy."

I couldn't even finish getting all of the wrapping paper off of it. It was a like a slap in the face. It felt like it actually seemed to *turn* me into a baby. As soon as I saw it and comprehended what it was (beneath my grandmother's smirk), my eyes welled up in hot tears; I ran to my room. Inconsolable.

For a time, anyway. Eventually, I came out, forgave my grandmother (who wasn't quite right in the head, to be fair), and all was well.

This was many, many years ago. I'm a grown man with resilience and a sense of humor now.

But at the time, it was embarrassing, and I felt hurt.

Because it's the thought that counts.

Not a very funny story, but it's true.

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:17:54 PM
User Rank
Author
29
"The irony is I can see a break-in going on across the street."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:16:16 PM
User Rank
Author
28
"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. Now let me through!"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
1/3/2018 10:14:37 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"I supposed I can just walk around to the other side of the chimney."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:10:30 PM
User Rank
Author
27
"I got off easy. The last guy went through with nails and they utterly crucified him."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:08:55 PM
User Rank
Author
26
"The gold and frankincense got through okay, but they confiscated my myrrh."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
1/3/2018 10:06:37 PM
User Rank
Author
25
"Yeah, it's me. I'm stuck at the O'Hare's again."

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Page 1 / 15   >   >>


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