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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 11:54:54 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Are you smarter than _____?
This week on "Are you smart than ____?" our human contestant (George) faces off against the Home T.E.A.M., a team of connected appliances who are returning champions!

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
5/23/2017 12:46:23 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Are you smarter than _____?
Thanks @Michelle for helping to "Break the Ice" this month.

...Some Brief "food 4 thought":

"Welcome to La La Land...Are we "hungry yet"? " 




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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 12:47:07 PM
User Rank
Author
alpha
"Any ideas on how to make our sales team hungrier?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 12:50:57 PM
User Rank
Author
beta
"Why doesn't the sink ever come to these meetings?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 12:55:40 PM
User Rank
Author
gamma (obscure reference alert)
"Picture this: I'm hiding inside the refrigerator."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 12:57:18 PM
User Rank
Author
delta
"So did any of you catch the game last night?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 1:00:15 PM
User Rank
Author
epsilon
"There was a typo. We're looking for applicants."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/23/2017 1:05:58 PM
User Rank
Author
zeta
"You clearly have a virus, Sean. Just take the sick day."

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Ariella
Ariella
5/23/2017 1:52:16 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: zeta
@Adi first off, I want to compliment you on the title: alliteration and assonance!

As for a caption: "I understand that you're both smart appliances who synergize well together, but I'm not sure that you will be able to integrate with the rest of the team, which is made up of humans." 

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Ariella
Ariella
5/23/2017 1:53:26 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: zeta
Now for a completely different direction:  "I don't know who told you that we cook the books and launder funds here. But I assure you that we are not in need of your services!"

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Ariella
Ariella
5/23/2017 2:03:26 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: zeta
So, you were referred by the microwave in the pantry?

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 1:57:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Upgrades
"We'd like to discuss your plans to replace us with newer, Watson-enabled devices... "

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 1:58:40 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Greetings
I'm glad you all could make it after your union-bot meeting ran long.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 2:00:25 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Roll call
We seem to be missing a few members of the group today...

Have any of you seen Roomba Mike?

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 2:02:59 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Roll call
Micro-Mike: "I saw him in the broom closet going round and round on the same path. He's gonna need a sick day."

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 2:11:55 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Unsatisfactory
We were lead to believe fiber would be installed THREE WEEKS AGO!

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Michelle
Michelle
5/23/2017 2:14:46 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Poor man's Watson
Thank you all for coming today -- I need help with a very important project.

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
5/23/2017 2:34:59 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Captions...
"Microwave, it's WashingMachine's turn to speak. We're here to find out who ran up the electricity bill last month, and we already know it's not you."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
5/23/2017 2:37:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Why, yes, while we're waiting for Dishwasher to join us, I'd love a Hot Pocket, Microwave."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
5/23/2017 2:39:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Yes, I've called this meeting outside of the house because I think our WiFi router has malware..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 3:14:59 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Microwave, can I call you Mike? ... It seems LaundryMachine here doesn't like how you look down on him from the kitchen." 

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 3:16:52 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"As you know, our parent company GE is going to retrofit many of you with IoT sensors -- this isn't a form of house-arrest as Microwave has called it, but an 'upgrade' according to Management...."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 3:20:26 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"It wasn't easy getting all of you into office chairs... but I prefer these face-to-face meetings..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 4:22:52 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Can we agree to all speak English? I don't understand much machine language..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 4:24:02 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"First off, Microwave, thank you for heating up my lunch earlier..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/6/2017 8:00:17 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Microwave has volunteered to take the minutes of this meeting since he's the only appliance here with a built-in clock...."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/7/2017 6:20:15 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"I'm naming Microwave as the next CEO, not because he makes popcorn, but because he's the most flexible appliance to lead us into the next era of home conveniences..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/7/2017 6:52:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"LaundryMachine apologizes for mistaking you for a TV, Microwave..."

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/8/2017 3:02:09 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"I *will* unplug you if you can't control yourself, Microwave"

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mhhf1ve
mhhf1ve
6/15/2017 7:06:06 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
"Yes, WashingMachine is the only one here who doesn't belong in the kitchen, but hear him out, Microwave.."

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Michelle
Michelle
6/19/2017 11:57:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Captions...
doesn't belong, but often found there...

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Ariella
Ariella
6/20/2017 9:13:22 AM
User Rank
Author
Re: Captions...
LOL @mhhf1ve the way to win is to offer food, especially popcorn!

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DHagar
DHagar
5/23/2017 10:15:12 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption Contest
"OK let's line up for our marching orders - directions for how you are to proceed"

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DHagar
DHagar
5/23/2017 10:16:42 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption Contest
"Microwave - you are on the lowband frequency - the rest are getting their signals from the Smart Network I have created - together this will result in a systems approach"

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afwriter
afwriter
5/24/2017 9:52:21 AM
User Rank
Platinum
AF1
I bet you are all wondering why I called this meeting today.

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afwriter
afwriter
5/24/2017 9:52:22 AM
User Rank
Platinum
AF1
I bet you are all wondering why I called this meeting today.

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batye
batye
5/24/2017 10:10:20 AM
User Rank
Platinum
life in new kitchen
let skip the introductions..... 

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batye
batye
5/24/2017 10:13:39 AM
User Rank
Platinum
who???
we all know whom did call Maytag Repairman for service...

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DHagar
DHagar
5/24/2017 4:55:51 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Cartoon Contest
"Remember, alone you are just another 'dumb' appliance - together you are part of the 'smart network'"

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/24/2017 6:45:44 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 1
I know I would be a great fit for your company, as you all know, I'm self-cleaning. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/24/2017 6:46:55 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 2
We've had to make some budget cuts lately, and while I hate to be the bearer of bad news, there is no easiy way to say this. You're being let go. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/24/2017 6:49:40 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 3
I know we all hate this, but we have to take the annual Sexual Harrasment training, per corporate regulations. 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/24/2017 6:50:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 4
Thanks to you guys, we lost $5k on the house sale, you know new buyers prefer matching appliances!

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/24/2017 6:56:53 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 5
Hi, my name is Jim. I was brought on to replace the dishwasher. I was born in Japan and trained overseas. I'm happy to be here. 

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Michelle
Michelle
5/24/2017 10:40:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Liz 5
That's a great one, Liz!! 

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/26/2017 3:07:31 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Liz 5
Lol, thanks. I do my best. 

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/24/2017 8:29:05 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"Steve, I'll be in the office soon. My appliances are giving me a lecture."

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/24/2017 8:36:30 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"You think you're smarter than me?"

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/24/2017 8:37:35 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
At the last meeting, we were discussing a buyout of the company. You appliances have any thoughts on this?

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/24/2017 8:43:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
We're going to be downsizing in the next month or so. I would suggest you update your resumes.

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/24/2017 8:45:24 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
The last time we had this conversation, refrigerator gave me the cold shoulder, oven got hot under the collar and washing machine went into spin cycle.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/24/2017 10:41:40 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Overage
"I know what you all must be thinking and you're right, I'm here to look into your data usage."

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Michelle
Michelle
5/24/2017 10:44:58 PM
User Rank
Platinum
unauthorized
I tried to remove into your systems and was blocked by your firewall. You all know appliance-made firewalls are not allowed. 

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afwriter
afwriter
5/24/2017 11:15:03 PM
User Rank
Platinum
AF2
I'm sorry guys, but that sounds like an HR issue.

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afwriter
afwriter
5/25/2017 12:42:29 PM
User Rank
Platinum
AF3
Microwave we are going to need you to cook something up, and washing machine, you'll have to put some spin on it. 

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
5/25/2017 6:51:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: AF3
I wonder if they would truly have the "Guts" to go through with your instructions.    When they acquire that "guts", then we should all worry--right?

 

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
5/25/2017 6:53:27 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: AF3
Listen Up..It's time to get back to work.....

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/25/2017 4:46:47 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#1
 I am here to announce that @Robo will take over from me towards making this smarter....

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/25/2017 8:38:44 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#2
Microwave: I can't follow what you said, sorry..

Washer: You speak too fast...

Dryer: Can you be a bit louder...

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/25/2017 8:42:01 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#3
Greg: How can this microwave be smarter than me, It just doesn't wait for complete instruction.

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/25/2017 8:46:03 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#4
No Sylos please, Team work, Collaboration...

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/25/2017 8:47:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#5
Damn, have an issue with single sign on. So nothing works in this home now. 

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:00:25 PM
User Rank
Author
eta
"Dammit, Eddie, did you have fish for lunch again?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:06:56 PM
User Rank
Author
theta
"I know some of you are upset that we eliminated our work-from-home policy."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:09:32 PM
User Rank
Author
iota
"We don't want you to feel burnt out from an 'always-on' culture."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:12:49 PM
User Rank
Author
kappa
"We've decided to rethink our job-rotation policy."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:20:49 PM
User Rank
Author
lambda
"In hindsight, the office recycling program was a bad idea."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/25/2017 9:26:32 PM
User Rank
Author
mu
"I'm sorry, Linda, but we won't be extending your warranty."

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/26/2017 10:44:40 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#6
Guys, lets go out for lunch....

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/26/2017 10:59:24 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#7
My fellow appliances, get ready to be super busy , Happy long weekend !!!

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ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
5/26/2017 2:11:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#6
We are off on weekends. Please plan contingency.

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/26/2017 3:05:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 6
"Hi, I'm Fridge."

"Hi Fridge."

"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/26/2017 3:10:15 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 7
Whose turn is it take the minutes? I hope we're all agreed that having Washer do it last time was a mistake. No offense Washer.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/26/2017 5:46:56 PM
User Rank
Platinum
shhhh!
"Yes, I know the meeting was supposed to be for small appliances only!"

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Michelle
Michelle
5/26/2017 5:47:50 PM
User Rank
Platinum
I see
I understand you all came here today to ask for additional time off...

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/26/2017 8:46:10 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
Mike Rowave, it has come to our attention that you have been becoming a camera on certain occasions.

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/26/2017 8:48:32 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
Guess I'm at the wrong meeting. This is about artificial intelligence and IoT, not the AA meeting.

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srufolo1
srufolo1
5/26/2017 8:51:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
"George, we've asked you to join this meeting because we want to request that when you put in the order for office supplies, we want you to include chairs with lumbar support."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:45:17 PM
User Rank
Author
nu
"I'm a self-starter, I'm a team player, and I have two years of experience as a dishwasher."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:46:54 PM
User Rank
Author
xi
"Due to abuses, we're cancelling our BYOD policy."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:48:34 PM
User Rank
Author
omicron
"Psst. Is it just me, or is that a gas stove?"

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
5/27/2017 6:04:47 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: omicron
I'll give it to you @Joe--you come up with some rather creative ones....

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mpouraryan
mpouraryan
5/27/2017 6:52:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: omicron (my small contribution)
Let's get cracking You all...

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:50:56 PM
User Rank
Author
pi
"You doing anything after work?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:52:40 PM
User Rank
Author
rho
"Because it's been a difficult year for the company, we've decided to upgrade to overseas models. You'll be training your replacements over the next two weeks."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/27/2017 3:54:01 PM
User Rank
Author
sigma
"Sorry, I forgot my phone."

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elizabethv
elizabethv
5/28/2017 12:23:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 8
I think you all know we're here to talk about the incident last week, where you all just stopped working at the same time. That is simply unacceptable and causes far too much chaos in this company. 

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Michelle
Michelle
5/28/2017 3:53:57 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Liz 8
"Perhaps we should consider an updated failover plan..."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 4:25:20 PM
User Rank
Author
tau
"I hate these networking events."

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freehe
freehe
5/28/2017 5:00:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Contest Entry 1
So Bob, what you are saying is that we need to explore all options first before we make a decision, correct?

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freehe
freehe
5/28/2017 5:02:09 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Contest Entry 2
I think we need to look at smaller models for the kitchen that take up less room, provide more power are are more enery efficient.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 6:43:51 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Contest Entry 2
"Younger, slimmer models?"

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freehe
freehe
5/28/2017 5:02:54 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Contest Entry 3
So microwave, what are your thoughts are the new kitchen remodel?

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 6:40:55 PM
User Rank
Author
upsilon
"Strategic partnership? No, thanks! I've gotten burned with a couple of you before."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 6:47:54 PM
User Rank
Author
phi
"I guess I didn't know what the new CEO meant when he said he planned to clean house."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 6:57:59 PM
User Rank
Author
chi
"Am I the only one who gets burned out at these meetings?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 6:58:57 PM
User Rank
Author
psi
"No, thanks. I don't smoke."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/28/2017 7:00:02 PM
User Rank
Author
omega
"We just don't want our competitors to eat our lunch."

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 6:54:41 PM
User Rank
Platinum
On the move
I know you've all heard the rumors...we're migrating to a smart building.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 6:55:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Toll
It's great you all could make it after this morning's power outage.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 6:58:41 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Obsolete
We've heard your feedback and have decided to move forward with our plans for smart appliances -- please return your surge protectors by end of day.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 6:59:55 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Warranty
Warranties have run out. Please see yourself out the back.

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JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
5/29/2017 8:28:04 PM
User Rank
Platinum
*
"No, really, I appreciate that you all cared enough to intervene. I know we all depend on my paycheck, and I'll try to take better care of myself."

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JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
5/29/2017 8:31:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
#
"Oh, no, Fridge! they have us surrounded!"

"'Us?' What do you mean 'us', Fleshy?"

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JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
5/29/2017 8:35:00 PM
User Rank
Platinum
$
"Microwave, that is exactly what I mean by unhelpful point-scoring. We ALL bring something to the table. Washing Machine brings napkins and tablecloths, and that's just as important as popcorn! Now I expect an apology from you, and it's up to Washing Machine whether to accept it or not."

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 8:55:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Continue
I believe Washer had the floor.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 8:56:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Advancement
I expected something a little different when they told me I'd head up the smart appliance division.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 8:58:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Release cycle
Yes, you will be included in the next upgrade. I've heard nothing beyond that...

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 8:59:12 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Downsize
I hate to be the one to bring this news...you have been downsized to single-family home.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 9:00:10 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Duty
To be clear, we will not be taking on any new appliances this quarter -- your jobs are safe.

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Michelle
Michelle
5/29/2017 9:01:36 PM
User Rank
Platinum
HCI
Hmm, my human-computer interaction studies did not prepare me for THIS!

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 9:11:32 PM
User Rank
Author
aa
"We'd like you all to start wearing FitBits."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:47:40 PM
User Rank
Author
ab
"I'm the new temp from Manpower..."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:51:30 PM
User Rank
Author
ac
"Well, yes, I have been pushing your buttons, but I don't see why you're so angry..."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:53:09 PM
User Rank
Author
ad
"Sorry; my morning meeting with the bathroom department ran late."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:54:06 PM
User Rank
Author
ae
"Can you please stop calling me 'legacy'?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:56:48 PM
User Rank
Author
af
"It's not a diversity initiative. My wife just thinks white appliances are dated."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 10:57:37 PM
User Rank
Author
ag
"I don't understand. How do I even get Bitcoins?

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 11:00:27 PM
User Rank
Author
ah
"I'm sorry, but we're looking for candidates who have their Energy Star certification."

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/29/2017 11:02:07 PM
User Rank
Author
ai
"I don't care. If you want to attend CES, you have to submit a business case."

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dcawrey
dcawrey
5/30/2017 12:43:11 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: ai
Let's make this easy guys. I do have some bitcoin for your cryptolockers. 

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vnewman
vnewman
5/30/2017 1:28:34 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Uno
"Soooo, why did you call me in this meeting today, Microwave?"

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vnewman
vnewman
5/30/2017 1:29:35 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Dos
"Ummmm, just out of curiousity, how did you all get here?"

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50%
vnewman
vnewman
5/30/2017 1:30:51 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Tres
"I noticed you were watching "The Terminator" last night.  Is there something you want to tell me?  And where is the T.V.?"

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Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 3:25:39 PM
User Rank
Author
aj
"Are you telling me I'm the only one who dressed up for the office Halloween party??!"

50%
50%
vnewman
vnewman
5/30/2017 3:54:15 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Quatro
"Is your refrigerator running?"

Yes.

"Well then you better catch it!"

Haha - that's a good one, microwave.

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/30/2017 5:32:26 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 9
Does anyone know when the cities large item trash pickup is? Anyone? 

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50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/30/2017 5:34:11 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 10
Sometimes I just like to hang out with you guys and know that none of you are going to try to sell me anything. 

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50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/30/2017 5:35:02 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 11
None of you were invited to this meeting. What are you doing here? 

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50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/30/2017 5:35:59 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 12
Okay, okay, I've got one. Tell me if you've heard it.... A refrigerator, a dishwasher and microwave walk into a bar.....

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50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/30/2017 5:36:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 12
Looks like we're the only ones that survived Trump's budget cuts, huh? 

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/30/2017 10:00:41 PM
User Rank
Platinum
quiet
Has anyone seen the radio?

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50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:08:44 PM
User Rank
Author
ak (meta)
"So once I win enough of these contests, I can buy you all on Amazon."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:10:25 PM
User Rank
Author
al
"Anyone have any takeout menus?"

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:13:41 PM
User Rank
Author
am
"You all need to stop posting pictures of food."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:17:30 PM
User Rank
Author
an
"Can you make anything other than borscht? Or did the Russians hack you?"

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:21:29 PM
User Rank
Author
ao
"We ditched our servers. From now on, Tim's kitchen will be doubling as our datacenter."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:24:01 PM
User Rank
Author
ap
"By app developers, I didn't mean appetizers."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:27:50 PM
User Rank
Author
aq
"For the last time, Frank, I don't want any Hot Pockets. Go install an ad blocker."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:30:21 PM
User Rank
Author
ar
"Whatever, Janice. No matter how advanced you get, we humans will never be your slaves. Now hold on; I have a Snapchat coming in."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/30/2017 10:32:11 PM
User Rank
Author
as
"Okay, okay! I'll give you your your extra week of vacation! Just stop livestreaming me when I microwave my dinner!"

100%
0%
Michelle
Michelle
5/30/2017 10:33:14 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Repair notice
We need to talk about your auto-posting to Facebook this quarter...

50%
50%
JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
5/30/2017 10:35:09 PM
User Rank
Platinum
@
I'm glad you all made time for our meeting. I have Timmy's schedule for Christmas break from college. I thought we might brainstorm about dealing with the extra unpredictable workload, and perhaps avoid anything like the "no good shirt without a Hot Pockets stain" crisis of last New Year's Eve.

100%
0%
Michelle
Michelle
5/30/2017 10:44:08 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: @
Good one! The appliances always get a workout when the kids are home from college.

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/31/2017 12:49:53 AM
User Rank
Author
at
"My social life is just fine, thank you."

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/31/2017 12:52:43 AM
User Rank
Author
au
"I'm not really sure how the two-pizza rule is supposed to work here."

100%
0%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
5/31/2017 11:24:35 AM
User Rank
Author
av
"I'd normally love to have dinner with you, but I don't date coworkers."

50%
50%
vnewman
vnewman
5/31/2017 5:02:21 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Cinco
"So you heard I was cord-cutting, huh?  Did TV tell you that?"

50%
50%
vnewman
vnewman
5/31/2017 5:05:10 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Seis
"Ok, but this is the last time I sing it for you guys:

We got to install microwave ovens, custom kitchen deliveries
We got to move these refrigerators we gotta move these color TV's..."

100%
0%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:07:05 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Seis
That's the way we do it!

great one @vnewman :)

50%
50%
JohnBarnes
JohnBarnes
5/31/2017 10:42:58 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Seis
But be careful. You could maybe get a blister on your little finger.

50%
50%
vnewman
vnewman
6/1/2017 1:55:31 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Seis
Hahaha Michelle!  80's throwbacks are always a good idea!

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:08:02 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Geo time tracking
Yes, geo tracking is now required for all staff and machines.

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:09:13 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Day after
We're working on a fix for your firmware updates...

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:10:02 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Blinking lights
We've reviewed the bug reports and will be pushing a patch by end of day Friday.

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:11:41 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Retrofit
We're aware of your sensory perception issues...new sensors will be delivered today.

50%
50%
Michelle
Michelle
5/31/2017 8:12:27 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Factions
I understand you all have a complaint about the smart lighting crew?

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:43:56 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 13
Despite the constant negative press covfefe.

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:44:31 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 14
Has anyone seen the covfefe pot? 

50%
50%
afwriter
afwriter
5/31/2017 11:44:33 PM
User Rank
Platinum
AF4
Because Tom, he's energy star rated.

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:45:17 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 15
That's right, coffee pot was fired. Coffee is for closers. 

100%
0%
Michelle
Michelle
6/20/2017 12:04:16 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Liz 15
Excellent use of a movie quote!!

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:46:07 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 16
If you guys can't start meeting your quotas we might actually have to hire monkeys. 

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:47:19 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 18
Did you know we installed cameras in the breakroom? That's right. We all saw you throw my lunch on the floor Fridge!

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:48:27 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 19
Can we all just go around the room again and our favorite movie? And can no one mention the Iron Giant this time? 

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
5/31/2017 11:49:17 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Liz 20
You're all being replaced by Smart Appliances. Your inability to get onto the network has been noticed. 

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
6/1/2017 11:44:34 AM
User Rank
Author
ba
"I just don't want to get burned on this deal."

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
6/1/2017 11:45:38 AM
User Rank
Author
bb
"Can we start the meeting without Hoover? That guy sucks."

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
6/1/2017 11:50:35 AM
User Rank
Author
bc
"Since when is staring at TV 'sexual harassment'?!?"

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
6/1/2017 2:06:28 PM
User Rank
Author
bd
"You seem pretty heated, Dave. Who pushed your buttons?"

100%
0%
Ariella
Ariella
6/5/2017 12:19:50 PM
User Rank
Author
Re: bd
@Joe most apt!

50%
50%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/5/2017 4:19:24 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
You are all hereby released from your Energy Star shackles. We've pulled out of the Paris Accord.

50%
50%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/5/2017 4:20:49 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but within the next two weeks, you will all be replaced by stainless steel appliances.

100%
0%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/5/2017 4:22:59 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
I realize you all think you're smart enough to have the corner office with a view, but until we can program emotions into you, that privilege is still mine.

50%
50%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/5/2017 5:43:03 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
I'm not going to point fingers or name names, but there is someone in this room who just can't keep a lid on it.

100%
0%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/5/2017 6:13:52 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
When they told me I would be forced out by automation, I didn't think it would be this soon!

100%
0%
ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
6/6/2017 10:23:11 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#7
Hello, this is your microwave calling to let you know that I will be out sick today.

50%
50%
ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
6/6/2017 10:25:36 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#8
Stop wondering, someone started TV from their smart phone, power of IOT.

50%
50%
ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
6/6/2017 10:27:16 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#9
@Dave, Are you felling out of place?

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50%
ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
6/6/2017 10:28:48 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#10
Welcome @Dave, heads up,,,you got to practice your speach / voice skills, to be in sync with us.

50%
50%
ms.akkineni
ms.akkineni
6/6/2017 10:29:31 AM
User Rank
Platinum
#11
Oh Man, What am i putting myself into....

50%
50%
Joe Stanganelli
Joe Stanganelli
6/6/2017 12:40:19 PM
User Rank
Author
be
"I couldn't stand the heat at my old company either."

50%
50%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/6/2017 5:08:46 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
I may look stupid, but I am just as "smart" as you guys, only in a kind of provincial, unprogrammed way.

100%
0%
dcawrey
dcawrey
6/6/2017 7:48:12 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Caption Contest
"Listen, you guys and your fancy AI are making my job obsolete. What do you want me to say?"

100%
0%
srufolo1
srufolo1
6/12/2017 5:43:28 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Caption Contest
Washing Machine has detected that Dryer is stuck in traffic, so we'll wait a few minutes until he gets here before we start the meeting.

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
6/13/2017 6:07:02 AM
User Rank
Platinum
The thing
The thing is washing machine, you don't really fit in around here. These are all kitchen appliances. You clearly belong in the laundry room. We're going to have to - relocate you - within the company. 

50%
50%
elizabethv
elizabethv
6/13/2017 6:20:19 AM
User Rank
Platinum
Owner's Manuals
Now look, I can't find any of the owner's manuals and I can't get the clock on Micro over here to stop flashing at me. So I think if we can just all put our heads together, we can figure this out. Call your wives. No one is going home until the clock stops flashing. I mean it. 

100%
0%
Michelle
Michelle
6/19/2017 11:57:39 PM
User Rank
Platinum
Re: Owner's Manuals
too funny! I mean it!!

50%
50%


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